Five minutes in the life of Mica, German Shepherd Puppy
Who am I? Well, I'm trying to figure that out. But for now, I'm the Baby Puppy. I cry. I sleep. I eat. I chew. I cry some more. You wish I would sleep some more. But I want to cry some more. And I will. Because I am the Baby Puppy. Now, don't blink... for I won't be the Baby Puppy for long.....
Oh my, will you look at us now! HERE! RIGHT HERE! I SAID LOOK! The left profile, it is our best, don't you agree? We are the Puppy Princess. See how very pretty we are? We are delicate, like a flower. Sweet as bee's nectar. Softer than the gently beating wings of a butterfly against the palm of your hand. You must be very, very gentle with us, for we are fragile. And if you're not careful, we'll have your big toe in a Half Nelson the likes of which you'll never forget. Oh! We are just too, too lovely even for ourself. You may leave us now.
I have become The Inquisitor! I see you! I saw that, too! Hey, what's THAT? I want it! Gimme! Gimme! Oh! Argh! You're too cruel! Even my eyes are green with envy! You MUST give it to me! The Inquisitor must have it ALLLLLL!
Whaaaaa--- me? Get outta TOWN! I'm just having some fun here, allll riiiiighty? I didn't shred 'em any worse than they already were after the last clambake you had in here. So, what? Ya gonna take my birthday away from me or something? Yo, Mastiff lips, CHILL!
HOHO! Who's telling ME to get off the sofa? Look at YOU! Hey, cat got yer ears? HAHAHAHA! Geesh, who put YOU together and lost the ugly stick, hunh? BWAAAAHHHH! Yer cracking me up here! Your lips all wiggling and your eyeballs all going round and round like tennis balls and you barking all that gibberish at me. Ohhhhh noooo, I'm sooooo scared! Look, lady, you don't want me chewing the damn pillows? THEN BRING ME A RUMP ROAST!
OK fine, be that way. Don't say I didn't warn you! Now you're gonna pay, and I mean BIG TIME. I TOLD you I could suck my own face back behind my tonsils, but noooo, you didn't believe me, did you? Yeah, well, WATCH THIS! I'm gonna hold my breath until you produce that rump roast. One, two, three, foe, fimph, sxxz ...