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For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence |  | Author: Alice Miller
Creators: Hildegarde Hannum, Hunter Hannum
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Category: Book
List Price: $16.00
Buy Used: $0.95
as of 11/22/2009 05:09 MST details
You Save: $15.05 (94%)
New (29) Used (125) Collectible (3) from $0.95
Seller: keen_northwest
Rating:  23 reviews
Sales Rank: 20249
Media: Paperback
Edition: 3rd
Pages: 282
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.9 x 6 x 0.9
ISBN: 0374522693
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.1
EAN: 9780374522698
ASIN: 0374522693
Publication Date: January 1, 1990
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Amazon.com Review
Miller explores the backgrounds of extreme cases of self-destructive and violent individuals to further her theories on longterm consequences of abusive childrearing. Her conclusions about what creates a drug addict, a murderer, even a Hitler, stray far from psychoanalytic dogma about human nature. Miller paints a jolting picture of the violent world each generation helps shape when traditional upbringing, with its hidden cruelty, is perpetuated. She also offers a way out by striving to resensitize the child in the adult, to unlock an emotional life frozen in repression.
Product Description
Alice Miller examines the backgrounds of several extreme cases of self-destructive individuals to illustrate the long-term consequences of abusive child-rearing. Her conclusions come into conflict with psychoanalytic dogma about human nature, which she is vehemently opposed to.
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 23
Wonderful!!! November 19, 2009
SamiHIan (Centennial, CO)
Books I love by authors who really "get it" re: child rearing/adult self-help: Ross Campbell (How to Really Love/How to Really Parent); Susan Forward (Toxic Parents/Emotional Blackmail); Martha Heineman Pieper/William J. Pieper (Addicted to Unhappiness/Smart Love); and Alice Miller (For Your Own Good).
Book on violence in childhood October 4, 2009
M. Wilson (Vancouver, BC)
I bought this for my daughter and her husband. They work in ministry with people who live with violence most of their lives. This book was recommended for them from a fellow psychologist.
Miller psychoanalyzes her civilization, finding it guilty of child abuse January 19, 2008
Brian Griffith (Toronto, Canada)
2 out of 3 found this review helpful
Alice Miller digs into the psycho-history behind the mental-illness cases she deals with, turning her lights on the legacy of parent education from medieval through early-modern times. And to a large degree Miller lays the blame for traditions of mental illness on Christian theology. If children were presumed to be born evil, then the struggle to raise them could be something like exorcizing demons. How should a God-fearing parent proceed? The examples Miller cites from parenting literature are many and disturbing. In a 1740s "Essay on the Education and Instruction of Children", J. Sulzer, argues that the first necessary step was for children to learn that the world of adults had an established order, which could not be altered by wailing protests or selfish demands. Second, they must learn to obey the authors of that order:
"The second major matter to which one must dedicate oneself beginning with the second and third year is a strict obedience to parents and superiors and a trusting acceptance of all they do. These qualities are not only absolutely necessary for the success of a child's education, but they have a very strong influence on education in general. They are essential because they impart to the mind orderliness per se and a spirit of submission to the laws. A child who is not used to obeying his parents will also not willingly submit to the laws and rules of reason once he is on his own ..., since he is already accustomed to act in accordance with his own will. Obedience is so important that all education is actually nothing other than learning how to obey." (p.12)
Perhaps Miller aims indiscriminately at religion in general. She is focused on cases of abuse, like a policeman who sees crime all day. Her call for compassion is not the whole answer for parents, but it is crucial for a saner world.
the issue is control--by 'them' of you December 2, 2007
E Rice (western ny state)
11 out of 12 found this review helpful
as the other reviewers have noted, this book will change your entire world view. it is, in my opinion, the most important book of the 20th century. her insights can be applied to any culture--the cultures in which people were not beaten into obedience and any militaristic culture you'd care to name. those brave enough to apply these insights to their own life and behavior will change their lives for the better.
miller has stated that she no longer considers herself a member of the psychoanalytical profession--a profession which rejected her ideas nearly completely. in the same way, the 19th medical world ostracised freud and his study of incest and it's effects in a 'decent' family. the truth will set you free, which is why those in authority--academic, social, political, financial--want it buried. there is also, of course, the fact that many people run away screaming from the thought of accepting the truth of their own childhoods.
even if you had an idyllic childhood and are so mentally and emotionally healthy you can't find anyone to talk to, read this book--it will illuminate other peoples' behavior, ambitions, and intents.
i have spent nearly 20 years encouraging people to read this book. i have yet to convince one person to do so. to see that there are people who have read it and understood her thesis is a great relief.
marcus aurelius wrote that nowhere but in his own mind is a man truly free. this book could give you back the freedom of your own mind.
To Save the World: This Must Read November 2, 2007
Sephethus (Houston, TX)
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
Alice Miller gives many examples of how "poisonous pedagogy" is the root of all violence in the world. Citing an extensive childhood histories of violent dictators such as Adolf Hitler to child murderers such as Jürgen Bartsch, we are not only able to acknowledge and remember the horrors of our own childhood but can begin to see the terrible consequences of not respecting one's children and taking all of the expressions of their experiences seriously, the horrific consequences of corporal punishment, abandonment and neglect. When reading this book, think back carefully over your own childhood. You may want to do this with the help of a competent therapist who will allow you to express all your own feelings of indignation towards those who verbally or physically abused you, crushed your curiosity, humiliated, terrified, abandoned and/or neglected you even in the most subtle of ways. Only then can you avoid the unconscious repeating of this cycle on your own children.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 23
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